I'm pleased with Lalitha having been repaired, and with many of the stories being downloaded from Smashwords! Of course, this pops me back (thinking of this situation as a stack) to the state of being unsure whether the stories are really being read.
Of course, they're being sort of read; perhaps not from beginning to end, or as we would have said back in the days of Agatha Christie: from cover to cover. I have to be content with readers reading just a paragraph or two; or just using the stories as masturbation aids. I understand the need, but it still makes me queasy.
To turn to something completely different, I went on DeviantArt, the Art website---where I initially went to find artists who might help me create covers for the books---and wrote that my libido, and with it my creativity, have sort of faded out completely. I'm not sure whether it makes better sense to make that sort of confession here (in the Blog), or there (in DeviantArt). I was getting treated for a certain medical condition, for which reason they had to tinker with my hormones, and I found myself abruptly losing all interest in sex. Of course, that is a blessing, in some ways, for someone who has been terrified, all their life long, with beginning relationships. (Once a relationship begins, it is a lot less terrifying.) But, you might have heard that it is our sex drives that make all sorts of creativity possible. In my case, it apparently is; and now I can't write fiction. I can't write romantic fiction, which is almost all that I wrote, though I can still write these hypochondria-laced blog posts. I had been casually informed by the KHB Repair Agency that my natural hormones will return, all by themselves.
Now to turn to something even more completely different: I have recently become aware of the popular singer and YouTube personality Billie Eilish. I don't know much about her; there are sites that contain Billie information, but one has to dig rather deeply to get anything. She seems to be at the point in the arc of her fame where she doesn't want to release a statement about herself for fear of alienating somebody.
One of the things I like about her is that she's such a flawed androgyne! She's an androgyine---I mean, just look at her!---and she's just beautifully imperfect, which makes her so easy to relate to. A few months ago I saw Stephen Colbert interviewing her, and she came through beautifully (on Zoom, even) though I thought Colbert just couldn't quite get what she was trying to convey. Colbert always seemed, to me, to present a very masculine affect; and in response, Billie was greeting him very warmly and politely, but in a definitely feminine manner. So, though at certain levels, Billie presents herself as androgynous, I think her persona reponds to whomever she is responding to, with a complementary gender identity. Warning: I'm not an expert in this sort of thing, and I have stopped believing in that sort of expertise anyway. I think psychology is more of a religion than a science!
Though I deplore having lost my libido, however temporarily, I have to confess that I still have a craving to hand out hugs to anyone who seems to be sad, or in pain, or just unhappy. Not guys; only girls or women. What does that say?
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