I have just begun writing a new story, for a very specific reason, only to realize that I've tried to do this before, and it never goes the way I want it to go!
Before I talk about this latest story at length, I want to take an overview of the stories I have written, or begun to write. (Most of these are published on Smashwords.)
Helen. This is a story of a woman, from her mid-teens, to her early forties, and is a 2500-page saga, episodes from which are being published as a series. Helen is my Galatea, a woman I created in my image of a girl with perfect imperfections, and so is a rather unusual entry in this list. Helen is a multi-talented artist, but principally a musician, the musician that I wished I were.
Alexandra. This was initially intended to be a paean to athleticism. Alexandra was supposed to be a fighter queen, but it evolved into a tortured love story, with an ending that might not satisfy some readers: the estranged couple is reconciled.
Jane. This started out as my exploration of the world of sleaze. I was very much into porn and erotica when I wrote Jane, but I found that describing photographs was a lot less satisfying than looking at them. But Jane gradually began to become a girl with a very distinctive personality, even if it was low-key. Somehow, several tragedies struck at the same time, and Jane became more about being a human being than about sex and sensuality.
Prisoner! This was the second story set in a Bronze Age in a parallel universe. (The first one was actually finished on paper, but never transcribed, and now I can't find some pages of the manuscript.) The story is essentially a lesbian love triangle.
That takes care of the stories that have been published, even if in an incomplete form. But I've always wanted to write an intensely erotic story involving two young girls in love, with more graphic sex than in any of my stories that have made it to "print". I love to torture myself with the thought of bringing one of these stories to completion, but they remain barely begun.
Heather and Alison. This is set in an alternate universe that looks very much like parts of India, despite the name of the story. It is a love story between two girls, one of whom chooses a monastic life, but who is thrust into political life by various historical forces.
Legs. This was intended to be a college romance between two girls, one of whom is of Thai origin, while the other is an athletic Midwestern American girl from a highly religious family. I had subconsciously wanted to make this into an erotic story, but the philosophical aspects are getting in the way. I think it is going to be a story where everything does not go right, and where the couple is sorely tested, and comes through, even if not with flying colors. Here, too, there is a musical thread: both girls discover that they are string players (violin and viola).
Julie and Karen. The title is tentative. Julie and Karen are twenty-somethings, who have married each other's brothers. But Julie takes under her wing a young woman who is being abused by her boyfriend, but it turns out that the young man is homicidal, and the trio find themselves on the run. I wanted to make it a story about ballet, but it has been stalled for a number of years. Karen has always been attracted to Julie, both physically and simply as a friend. For fear of alienating her, Karen continues to be cool. The plan is that they have to live in hiding (a familiar theme in my stories!), and Karen has to join a ballet company in a small town, and as Julie watches the company rehearse, unfamiliar feelings for Karen are born in Julie's breast.
The Meadow. In the Helen story, which was written over several years, Helen finds herself experimenting with computer-assisted animation. (This is using software to help with creating an animated feature.) Helen is driven by similar impulses as I am, understandably, and she wanted to create an animated Sleeping Beauty ballet, where both Sleeping Beauty, and her "Prince Charming" were girls. Only, she wanted there to be a large amount of nudity in it, even if simply drawn nudity, so that many of the ballet scenes were nude ballet. The Meadow is simply a literary version of this nude ballet. I want it to be highly erotic, but innocent at the same time. So far, the two protagonists have just met, and with great restraint, I'm trying not to let it become one long sex orgy.
Starting a Story
Unlike the majority of authors, I start a story with a rough idea of how it will go. A very rough idea. Most of what goes into it at this point is the setting: the circumstances, the place, the personalities, and a few events to start things off.
By this time, I have in my mind a good idea of what my characters are like, and then the crazy thing happens: new characters enter the story, and gently influence its direction. These stories are so real to me that I find it very difficult indeed to force the story to go in a particular direction. So I helplessly ride along, and somehow the stories end up being quite unique. It may partly be that I have lived an unusually eventful life, by which I mean that I have been a spectator of some pretty crazy things. Many of the stories I begin, intending them to be erotica, become mainline stories, because none of my characters are content to be purely sexual creatures. The one that comes closest is Helen, and she's the most tortured heroine of all.
So, it's not that I'm a prude, but what makes people attractive to me are their minds. As I fall in love with my own characters, I begin to focus more on what they're saying and thinking rather than their surface beauty, and the physical aspect of their relationship with each other tends to take a back seat. If I decide that I'm not going to publish a story, at least the pressure I feel to appear to be a high-minded author will be absent, and I can allow myself to let it all hang loose!
Kay
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